Today, I did something that I haven't done in about ten years.
I joined Weight Watchers. For the third time in my life. They say third time's a charm, right?
First time I did it, I lost about thirty pounds. I was 13.
Next time I did it, I was in high school and was too ashamed to admit to myself I was doing it again. I lost five pounds, and stopped going.
This time, I'm hoping things are going to be different. It's a new decade, and my hopes are that this decade aren't as tumultuous weight-wise as the last one. Let's recap the past ten years, shall we?
In 2000, I was in high school. While I was overweight, I was never fat and was still a nationally-ranked field hockey player. I was being recruited by numerous Division 1 schools, as well as the US Military Academy. I probably fluctuated between 160 and 165 all through high school.
In 2003, I entered the US Military Academy and began the hardest, longest, most strenuous, and healthiest six months of my life. I dropped about 25 pounds during that time, weighing in at my lowest ever of 143. I had (probably) around 20% body fat, and muscles galore. I almost had a six-pack, for crying out loud, and could do 3 sets of 6 unassisted pull-ups.
Then they kicked me out, because I'm a big old homo. Depression set in, and I gained almost sixty pounds over the next year and a half. I was going to college, binge drinking every weekend, not working out or taking care of myself, and not really playing any sports.
In 2005 I found out that my college was getting a field hockey team, and the coach would be someone who had recruited me during my high school days. Over the next year, I whipped myself into shape and dropped down to 170. I was also able to run a sub-8 mile, and beat half my team at the majority of the speed and endurance drills we did (as a goalie, that was not expected or required).
In 2007 I started training for, and ran, my first marathon. I also ran a half-marathon that year. I ran my second half-marathon, and my first triathlon, in 2008. I was probably hovering between 165 and 175 those years.
I moved to New York City and discovered the beauty of take-out. I've been living on my own for three years, and I still haven't learned to cook. I've been fighting injuries, and I just had shoulder surgery which has kept me from working out for the past 2+ months. I've also entered into a relationship with an amazing woman, and with that came the requisite relationship weight-gain.
Since my last serious foray into racing, when I was fluctuating between 165 and 175, I've put on some serious weight. I weighed in at Weight Watchers this morning, and it broke my heart to see how much I've let my body deteriorate over the past two years.
The final number? I weighed in at 199.2.
I've never weighed this much before in my life. And I will never weigh this much again. I am tired of my seesawing weight. I'm tired of having clothes in my closet that don't fit me anymore (for bad reasons. I'd love to have clothes in my closet that are too big for me!). I am, in short, disgusted with myself.
I have a lot of issues with food. Right now, I have peanut butter bars in the drawer of my desk that I bought at the meeting this morning. I can't concentrate on ANYTHING because all I want are those damn bars. If there is food in the vicinity, I will eat it even if I don't want it. That's one of the reasons I do take-out so much - it gives me a certain amount of food, normally with no leftovers. If I have food in the house, I WILL eat it. Even if I'm not hungry. Even if I don't necessarily like it. Even if I have to sneak it.
I have an obsession with food. I've always had an obsession with food. I need to END this obsession with food. It won't be easy, and it won't happen overnight. But it WILL happen. It HAS to happen.
And I WILL do it this time.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Running Fail
I tried to run. I really did. I warmed up for five minutes, like the program instructs. Then I broke into a SLOW jog. I'm talking 5.2 mph on the treadmill. I was able to keep it up for 1/8 of a mile.
Why? Not because I was tired. Not because I was out of shape.
My damn shoulder hurt.
I guess I'm still not ready to run :-(
Ended up walking for 30 minutes, with an incline ranging from 3.0 to 9.0.
Why? Not because I was tired. Not because I was out of shape.
My damn shoulder hurt.
I guess I'm still not ready to run :-(
Ended up walking for 30 minutes, with an incline ranging from 3.0 to 9.0.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Life Post-Surgery
I really need some sort of electro-shock therapy to keep up with this blog. I blog for two or three weeks, ignore it for two or three months, rinse and repeat. Oh well.
Life has sucked the past two months. I had surgery on the 21st, for the injury I mentioned in the last entry. It ended up being a bit more invasive than anticipated, and instead of just reattaching the cartilage in the shoulder, the doc had to drill a hole in my bone to reattach my bicep tendon as well. I was immobilized for two weeks, and in a sling for four. I've been doing physical therapy for three weeks now, and I can finally break the plane that runs parallel to the floor. I'm still not allowed to do anything that uses the bicep muscle though.
HOWEVER!!!!!
Last week I got cleared to run. Well, not run. But move forward at a slightly faster-than-walking pace for brief periods of time. My plan, therefore, is to begin doing the Couch-to-5K training plan.
This is a bit of a hit to the ego. Less than three years ago I ran my first marathon. I ran my most recent half-marathon less than two years ago. I've been running (although not consistently) ever since. Even when I take time off, I can normally go right back to running a 33-minute 5K.
But it's OK, I keep telling myself. I need to let me shoulder heal. I need to start slowly so that I don't kill myself.
And, let's be honest. I've gained a significant amount of weight since the surgery.
So that's why I'm starting the Cto5K. With the jog/walk/job intervals, it will keep me honest about not overtaxing my shoulder. It will allow me to safely get back into running. Since it is a 3x/week program, I can do it on the days I don't have physical therapy.
And because I do have a fairly significant running history, I'm not starting at the beginning of the program. Cto5K is typically an 8-week program, building up to run a (duh) 5K at the end of the 8 weeks. I'm going to start at week 4, day 1. This has me doing 2 miles today, but not running more than .5 miles at a time.
Life has sucked the past two months. I had surgery on the 21st, for the injury I mentioned in the last entry. It ended up being a bit more invasive than anticipated, and instead of just reattaching the cartilage in the shoulder, the doc had to drill a hole in my bone to reattach my bicep tendon as well. I was immobilized for two weeks, and in a sling for four. I've been doing physical therapy for three weeks now, and I can finally break the plane that runs parallel to the floor. I'm still not allowed to do anything that uses the bicep muscle though.
HOWEVER!!!!!
Last week I got cleared to run. Well, not run. But move forward at a slightly faster-than-walking pace for brief periods of time. My plan, therefore, is to begin doing the Couch-to-5K training plan.
This is a bit of a hit to the ego. Less than three years ago I ran my first marathon. I ran my most recent half-marathon less than two years ago. I've been running (although not consistently) ever since. Even when I take time off, I can normally go right back to running a 33-minute 5K.
But it's OK, I keep telling myself. I need to let me shoulder heal. I need to start slowly so that I don't kill myself.
And, let's be honest. I've gained a significant amount of weight since the surgery.
So that's why I'm starting the Cto5K. With the jog/walk/job intervals, it will keep me honest about not overtaxing my shoulder. It will allow me to safely get back into running. Since it is a 3x/week program, I can do it on the days I don't have physical therapy.
And because I do have a fairly significant running history, I'm not starting at the beginning of the program. Cto5K is typically an 8-week program, building up to run a (duh) 5K at the end of the 8 weeks. I'm going to start at week 4, day 1. This has me doing 2 miles today, but not running more than .5 miles at a time.
- Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
- Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds)
- Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
- Walk 1/4 mile (or 2-1/2 minutes)
- Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
- Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds)
- Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Week Ending 11/30/09
I ran a measly 7.52 miles last week. I blame the holiday and all the traveling, even though I did manage to throw a race in there one day.
The miles felt pretty good though, and maybe I shouldn't be too hard on myself. Right now I should be focused on base building, and not racking up the miles. Last thing I want right now is to have an overuse injury.
But speaking of injuries, I went to an orthopedist yesterday to get an old nagging shoulder injury checked out. In October of 2007 I was doing a max-out weightlifting regimen, where I maxed out so much on an overhead press that something in my shoulder popped. I haven't been able to really lift since then, and the shoulder has hurt ever since. But, since I finally hit my insurance deductible last month, I finally went to get it checked out. I'm going for an MR arthrogram tomorrow morning, and that will determine whether I need surgery or not. The doc thinks I may have wrecked the cartilage (aka the labrum) that lines the ball and socket of the shoulder. So lucky me. If it should turn out that I do need the surgery, I need to get it done before the end of the year so that my insurance will cover it.
So that's that. 7.52 miles last week. 7.8 the week before.7.8 the week before that. Monthly total for November: 23.12
That's actually not that bad, considering I only did 14.68 in October.
I'm setting a goal of 40 miles for December. I'll adjust that depending on whether I have this surgery or not. But for now, thats the goal.
The miles felt pretty good though, and maybe I shouldn't be too hard on myself. Right now I should be focused on base building, and not racking up the miles. Last thing I want right now is to have an overuse injury.
But speaking of injuries, I went to an orthopedist yesterday to get an old nagging shoulder injury checked out. In October of 2007 I was doing a max-out weightlifting regimen, where I maxed out so much on an overhead press that something in my shoulder popped. I haven't been able to really lift since then, and the shoulder has hurt ever since. But, since I finally hit my insurance deductible last month, I finally went to get it checked out. I'm going for an MR arthrogram tomorrow morning, and that will determine whether I need surgery or not. The doc thinks I may have wrecked the cartilage (aka the labrum) that lines the ball and socket of the shoulder. So lucky me. If it should turn out that I do need the surgery, I need to get it done before the end of the year so that my insurance will cover it.
So that's that. 7.52 miles last week. 7.8 the week before.7.8 the week before that. Monthly total for November: 23.12
That's actually not that bad, considering I only did 14.68 in October.
I'm setting a goal of 40 miles for December. I'll adjust that depending on whether I have this surgery or not. But for now, thats the goal.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Manchester Road Race
Yesterday I ran the Manchester Road Race - a 5 mile race that is listed as one of the 25 largest road races in the country. With 12,020 racers (yes, thats 20 more than TWELVE THOUSAND PEOPLE), it is a bigger race than the majority of marathons in this country.
I ended up feeling amazing, and I was really, really happy with my performance. This was the first race ever, in my entire life, that I ran negative splits. I even had enough left in the tank to really open up once I hit the last turn. There was a point around mile 4 that I thought I was going to puke, but luckily that went away.
As for the race itself, it was both the best and worst race I've ever run. First, the negatives:
1. There were no water stations. I wish I had known this beforehand, because I would have worn by fuel belt.
2. I got there way too late. Next year I want to be lined up no later than 9:15 so that I'm not going to be at the very, very back of the pack.
3. THE HILL. I swear, that was a long, gradual, painful uphill that lasted from .75 miles to 2.25 miles. Then there was a massive downhill (elevation loss of 250 feet) in a little more than .25 miles.
The positives:
1. Without a doubt, it was the best race atmosphere I've ever experienced. There were people lined alongside the road for the entire race. There were impromptu family bands alongside the entire course. There were 2 or 3 pipe and drum corps, several independent bagpipers, country bands, rock bands, people running in costume (I ran next to Spongebob for the last two miles). Really freakin' cool.
2. It's a great family race. I saw a bunch of running parents with their little kids. It's also a stroller-friendly race.
3. It is open to runners and walkers of all abilities. The winner ran the course in 21 minutes and change. The last runner crossed the line an hour and 41 minutes after the gun went off.
4. It is definitely a race that the entire town looks forward to every year. You can tell in the preparation, and with how many people show up. I've never seen tailgating at a road race before - I saw it for the first time here. A group of my friends had two beer coolers along the race for 'hydration'.
It's a race I will definitely do again next year, taking into consideration all the things I learned this year (arrive earlier, bring water, etc). It is definitely not a race you can run for time, unless you're a seeded runner at the very front of the pack. But if you're looking for a race to run for fun, for a great pre-Thanksgiving binge calorie burn, to have a great time with 12,000 other runners, this is the race to run.
Wednesday night I spent at my friends place in Connectict, where I drank eleven beers and didn't go to sleep until about 2:30. Thursday morning I woke up hungover and with aching joints. It was cold and rainy and dreary, and I had left all my arthritis meds back in Brooklyn. I really thought that I was going to pull out after two miles and just call it a day. We left my friends house around 9:15, and the race started at 10AM. Note for future: Leave a lot earlier.
We spent thirty minutes trying to find parking, and I had to practically spring the half mile from my car to the parking lot. I didn't have pins for my race number, and I had gotten separated from my friend while parking, so I was basically up shits creek without a paddle. Luckily I ran into another friend, and she gave me two of her pins.
I lined up at the very back of the starting pack, and it took me 8 minutes to cross the start line. My first mile was wicked slow, because I was at the very back and was weaving in and out of walkers and families and the 13/mm runners. I had wanted to finish this race in under 55 minutes, and I was kind of dejected after I realized that probably wasn't going to happen.
The second mile was all. up. hill. It was painful. The third mile, all the elevation loss was in about a quarter mile. The rest of the race had a net elevation loss, so life was good.
As you can see, once I got out of the crush of humanity after mile 2, I was running negative splits for the rest of the race which actually made me pretty happy. I had taken a GU about ten minutes before the race, and between that and my slow first mile, the arthritic joint creaks had pretty much subsided. After mile 2.5 I was feeling really, really good.
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I ended up feeling amazing, and I was really, really happy with my performance. This was the first race ever, in my entire life, that I ran negative splits. I even had enough left in the tank to really open up once I hit the last turn. There was a point around mile 4 that I thought I was going to puke, but luckily that went away.
As for the race itself, it was both the best and worst race I've ever run. First, the negatives:
1. There were no water stations. I wish I had known this beforehand, because I would have worn by fuel belt.
2. I got there way too late. Next year I want to be lined up no later than 9:15 so that I'm not going to be at the very, very back of the pack.
3. THE HILL. I swear, that was a long, gradual, painful uphill that lasted from .75 miles to 2.25 miles. Then there was a massive downhill (elevation loss of 250 feet) in a little more than .25 miles.
The positives:
1. Without a doubt, it was the best race atmosphere I've ever experienced. There were people lined alongside the road for the entire race. There were impromptu family bands alongside the entire course. There were 2 or 3 pipe and drum corps, several independent bagpipers, country bands, rock bands, people running in costume (I ran next to Spongebob for the last two miles). Really freakin' cool.
2. It's a great family race. I saw a bunch of running parents with their little kids. It's also a stroller-friendly race.
3. It is open to runners and walkers of all abilities. The winner ran the course in 21 minutes and change. The last runner crossed the line an hour and 41 minutes after the gun went off.
4. It is definitely a race that the entire town looks forward to every year. You can tell in the preparation, and with how many people show up. I've never seen tailgating at a road race before - I saw it for the first time here. A group of my friends had two beer coolers along the race for 'hydration'.
It's a race I will definitely do again next year, taking into consideration all the things I learned this year (arrive earlier, bring water, etc). It is definitely not a race you can run for time, unless you're a seeded runner at the very front of the pack. But if you're looking for a race to run for fun, for a great pre-Thanksgiving binge calorie burn, to have a great time with 12,000 other runners, this is the race to run.
Friday, November 20, 2009
It's Friday, and I've been on a pretty decent track so far this week.
Monday: 2.84 miles, 10:13 pace
Tuesday: 3.26 miles, 10:21 pace (this also gave me my second fast 5K time ever, at 31:10).
Thursday: 1.69 miles, 10:46 pace (hills around my park. Shorter but far more intense run).
Which brings my weekly total so far to 7.8.
I'm aiming for 5 tomorrow, then another 3 on Sunday, bringing my weekly total to 15.8. Not bad for a weeks effort, if you ask me.
My garmin comes tomorrow, so it should be interesting to see if my Nike+ pace holds up. If it does, I'll be pretty darn happy. If it doesn't...Well, I'm not the speed demon I thought I was. But regardless of what happens, I'm running again and that's what matters.
Monday: 2.84 miles, 10:13 pace
Tuesday: 3.26 miles, 10:21 pace (this also gave me my second fast 5K time ever, at 31:10).
Thursday: 1.69 miles, 10:46 pace (hills around my park. Shorter but far more intense run).
Which brings my weekly total so far to 7.8.
I'm aiming for 5 tomorrow, then another 3 on Sunday, bringing my weekly total to 15.8. Not bad for a weeks effort, if you ask me.
My garmin comes tomorrow, so it should be interesting to see if my Nike+ pace holds up. If it does, I'll be pretty darn happy. If it doesn't...Well, I'm not the speed demon I thought I was. But regardless of what happens, I'm running again and that's what matters.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
I am sick of feeling like I'm 80 years old.
I am disgusted with how my body has deteriorated since I graduated from college.
I am tired of being in pain all of the time.
There's not much I can do about the first and last of those points. But the second one I actually have some control over. And I hope that by doing something about the second, the pain and inflammation of the other two will decrease.
Since I last posted back in March, I've been dealing with some pretty severe arthritis. And I'm 24 years old. It's completely derailed my training, knocked my racing season on it's back, and pretty much turned me into a couch potato. It's the worst in my fingers and toes, but I also have touches of it in my knees, hips and back. There are some mornings that it's unbelievably painful to get out of bed. There are some mornings where I can barely walk. I can't wear dress shoes to work anymore because my toes swell so much. And if I can barely walk, you can be damn sure there is no running going on. On top of all that, I've had runners knee for the past two years. Ironically, that always feels better if I DO run. But, obviously, working out has been all but impossible as of late.
But something needs to change. I am absolutely disgusted with myself. And when I think back to two years ago, when I was just beginning to contemplate running a marathon, and field hockey season was just finishing and I was running a sub-8 mile, and I actually had muscles and not just amorphous blobs of whatever...
Thats changing, and it's changing right now.
Next week I'm running a Thanksgiving Day race, a five-miler. December 8 starts my half-marathon training. February 28 is my next half marathon. If that goes well, I may consider doing a full at the end of spring. I may have convinced my mom to do her first half-marathon, on March 10, which I would pace her for. If I can maintain my half-marathon fitness, I want to aim for a half-Ironman next September or October. I want to get in at least three sprint tris and two Olympic distance ones. I want to get back on my bike.
It's going to hurt. And my joints are going to hate me. But I can't live like this, letting the pain dictate my life.
I'm stronger than that.
I am disgusted with how my body has deteriorated since I graduated from college.
I am tired of being in pain all of the time.
There's not much I can do about the first and last of those points. But the second one I actually have some control over. And I hope that by doing something about the second, the pain and inflammation of the other two will decrease.
Since I last posted back in March, I've been dealing with some pretty severe arthritis. And I'm 24 years old. It's completely derailed my training, knocked my racing season on it's back, and pretty much turned me into a couch potato. It's the worst in my fingers and toes, but I also have touches of it in my knees, hips and back. There are some mornings that it's unbelievably painful to get out of bed. There are some mornings where I can barely walk. I can't wear dress shoes to work anymore because my toes swell so much. And if I can barely walk, you can be damn sure there is no running going on. On top of all that, I've had runners knee for the past two years. Ironically, that always feels better if I DO run. But, obviously, working out has been all but impossible as of late.
But something needs to change. I am absolutely disgusted with myself. And when I think back to two years ago, when I was just beginning to contemplate running a marathon, and field hockey season was just finishing and I was running a sub-8 mile, and I actually had muscles and not just amorphous blobs of whatever...
Thats changing, and it's changing right now.
Next week I'm running a Thanksgiving Day race, a five-miler. December 8 starts my half-marathon training. February 28 is my next half marathon. If that goes well, I may consider doing a full at the end of spring. I may have convinced my mom to do her first half-marathon, on March 10, which I would pace her for. If I can maintain my half-marathon fitness, I want to aim for a half-Ironman next September or October. I want to get in at least three sprint tris and two Olympic distance ones. I want to get back on my bike.
It's going to hurt. And my joints are going to hate me. But I can't live like this, letting the pain dictate my life.
I'm stronger than that.
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