HYC Check In: Week 3

I don't weigh myself. I find that it gives me a very skewed outlook on myself. While I may currently weigh about 170, I also have massive amounts of muscle that really mess up the numbers on the scale. My calves are really cows, measuring in at more than 12 inches around of solid muscle. My quads are thunder thigh holy muscle mania. My biceps have also been growing lately - I attribute it to the swimming, and actually using my arms as I run.

I also have an extremely masculine frame, which causes me to get mistaken for a guy at least three times a day. Broad shoulders, bulky frame, shorts legs and long torso. SMALL BOOBS. NONEXISTENT BOOBS. Which I actually like. At best, when I'm wearing a fitted polo, it looks like I'm just a guy with massive pecs. Most days I don't even wear a bra, and an under shirt or Under Armour Compression tshirt is more than enough to keep them under control.

So I don't weigh myself. Using the typical weight scales for women, I should weigh anywhere between 125 and 140 pounds. HA! I think I weigh 125 in my right leg. Right now, a good and healthy weight for me would be around 155, which is 5 pounds more than I was when I left the Army. But I'm not going to weigh myself every day or every week.

No. I am going to weigh myself every month. And take measurements every two weeks. To track what means the most to me - losing inches, not weight - measurements are far more important. If I weight 160, but can wear pants with a 31-inch waist (down from the 34 I wear now), I'll be ecstatic. If I can see lines in my quads and cows and biceps and triceps, and weigh 163, I'll be the happiest kid on the planet.

I am an athlete, a powerhouse of muscle that will never weight 125 pounds, regardless of diet or exercise. Not that I would want to - I'm proud of my muscle. I like my solid, boxy, intimidating, muscular, broad, masculine frame.

It's taken a while for me to get there, to appreciate my body for what it is and how it was made.
I used to use my weight as an excuse: "No, I'm not fat, I'm just really muscular/broad/big-boned/athletic". And I was all of those things. I was also overweight. Not obese by any standards, but definitely overweight. Not unhealthily overweight, but overweight nonetheless. I trained for and ran a marathon weighing 175, with a resting heartrate of 50 bpm and excellent blood pressure, cholesteral, you name it. But I was still overweight. I'm still carrying around excess fat in my mid-section (DAMN TUMMY FAT!).

But now I'm realizing that I can maintain that boxy, powerful, muscular frame, and I don't need the fat to go with it. Losing that fat will actually make me even more boxy, powerful, and muscular.

Want to hear my biggest goal? The goal I set for myself every year, without fail, and without fail, fail to meet it? Here it is. I'm putting it out there, into the blogosphere, so that you can help me keep on going, making sure that I don't fall off the horse, and hopefully this will be the year I actually achieve it.

So here it is. The goal that I've set for myself for the past five years, and failed to meet every. single. year.

I want to go to the beach, and instead of hiding behind board shorts and a tank top, I want to rock the board shorts/bikini top. Or sports bra. Or something that exposes my stomach. I want to not be ashamed of my muffin top, of my rolls. I want to be that sporty little lesbian or surfer girl you see on the beach with the toned and tan body, loose board shorts and bikini top. You all know which one I'm talking about.

I'm aiming to have this done by June 13. Thats my half-ironman. If I can do it by then, I will do the run portion of the race in a sports bra and shorts.

So what do you think? Can I do it?